Bro, here’s some validation for you! 🥲 Better late than never.
But seriously loved the piece. And I think everyone likes being praised. Not being obsessed about validation might be healthy…I don’t know. But I think wanting validation also means that we want our words to reach people and make them smile, think or reflect, which also pushes us to be better writers, isn’t it?
and you’re correct, not obsessing but wanting it because when your work reaches more people, your validation should also increase, considering you’re improving your work. so yeah, these are somewhat interconnected
"But I don’t understand that if you’re putting something out into the open and then you say you do not need validation on it. What does that even mean? What kind of person does that? You made it public. You made it findable. If whether someone reads it or not was truly never a question for you, you surely had a journal for that. You didn’t need the internet."
I want you to think about your own journey on Substack, and consider the fact that putting out your writing in the world will help you discover the tribe of people who think, feel and see the world like you. You have discovered a community of writers who collaborate, meetup in person and have honest conversations. That is more than what any numbers / validation can provide. Instead of using the internet as way to build community, we as creators get caught up with validation in terms of quantity vs quality. A heartfelt message / comment can make your day, in ways no amount of hearts on Substack can.
I am not saying this merely philosophically. In the past, I built a global top 2% podcast with thousands of listeners. Even on this Substack, one of my posts went globally viral, and has been read close to half a million times. But the most life changing aspect of writing / creating has been how it has shaped me as a person and transformed my life outside of the content bubble. Once I understood and internalised that, validation became what you referred to - Tadka in the dal. Great in small quantities, terrible if all your dal was tadka.
Henrik Karlsson, a writer who has the ability to always find the right words to things we all live and feel wrote a piece titled "A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox". I would highly encourage you to read it.
I get what you’re trying to say Utsav and to me a comment and like are both forms of validation. And I agree that validation is certainly not the only thing to look forward to, the whole process of creating and then seeing your tribe grow certainly is a satisfactory thing, but to me even that is a validation. Not the only thing to look forward to but I am not at a point right now where I can say that I am only writing for myself. Maybe some day I’ll be able to derive all the satisfaction from the process of creating alone.
and I’ll surely check out his essay, I have seen his work pop up in my feed but hadn’t explored before. will do now. thank you for the recommendation and reading my essay. your inputs are always helpful :)
To tell you the truth, I am not starved. Of course I love validation too. But, I am ok, if I don’t receive it. I have lived long enough. Or it maybe my imposter syndrome telling me not to expect much. It’s complicated I guess. 😅
A validation addict recognises another -- but this piece genuinely deserved the engagement. I love the humour, sarcasm and honesty that pours through it and also how relatable it is. Thanks for writing, Abhishek! (Now please go read my writing and validate my work too)
Currently I've been thinking a lot about my never ending need for validation and it's refreshing to see someone acknowledge and accept their need for it too. I think we've been brought up chasing parental approval, teachers ka approval and we've equated it with acceptance somehow. Now we find ourselves craving this acceptance on a grander scale via social media or our lil' blogs here.
I love the honesty of your piece. I feel writing is inherently meant to make people feel something. It is a communication unlike journaling. So without validation/criticism, the circle is incomplete. It absolutely guts me when my work is invalidated. I want the numbers, the likes, the adulation. If that makes me a less intellectual being, well so be it.
Abhishek, you were among the first writers I came across on this platform. And I was enthralled by your writing. I was immediately intrigued. I remember binging your essays. In many ways, I felt like you were writing about things that I should have written about. I found myself in between your words.
Coming to the validation part, I understand that all too well. A few months ago, I wrote an essay I poured my heart into. Not many people related to it. It didn't garner enough eyeballs for me to measure against the impossible standard I had set for myself. So I understand where you're coming from.
I read a few of your essays and now I can can see why you felt that you should’ve written those pieces. I see that now. I really like how common and relatable topics you pick and they way you write them! thank you for writing those, and feels so good to see you back to writing.
I know that feeling of not getting enough attention on an essay you enjoyed so much writing about. If this helps in any way — I’ve seen an essay or two being alive after months of getting published. so maybe it will be picked after some time.
thank you for reading and being so kind with your words :)
It connected to a part of me, Abhishek. A part of me though, still tries to keep working for honing my craft and not be affected by likes and numbers. But there are some personal reasons for that, because they do more harm to me than good when I get affected by those likes.
that’s perfectly fine. everyone finds that balance somewhere. for me validations works more as a booster than a demotivating force. but for you it could be completely different.
'I soak up validation faster than the Huggies and Pampers of the world. I’m always dry and ready for more validation.' Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel so validated after reading the piece. Loved ittt
I live among mostly crazy people, so my default mode is never to underestimate the craziness people are capable of! Anyway, your trick worked... highlighting a shorter fragment enabled the re-stack. Thanks!
I kinda always had the same thought about noone agrees that they do it for validation. I do most of things in life for validation. Numbers do make me happy. I am glad you wrote this. Makes me feel like I am not the only one.❤️
This piece was like taking an Xray !!!! So true, so real, so refreshing and no fake cool talk. Btw, it is better to dig the grave sometime as it might be surprising too
This piece hits all the right thoughts. I have spent years worrying about what people think of me and somewhere along the way, validation got tangled up in all of it. Now I just don’t think we are meant to become untouched by what others think; only to not be ruled by it.
You really have a way of making unnoticed thoughts feel impossible to ignore. Loved readingg this.
And special mention to all your little dad references and the occasional dad jokes you sneak into your musings. Your writing has entered a very specific new dad era and I absolutely enjoy reading about it.
Now I just don’t think we are meant to become untouched by what others think; only to not be ruled by it. --> this is the perfect gist. you got it. thank you for that!
thank you for being this kind with words always. always makes me feel good :)
hahahahahaha those jokes come from a place of experience and even I am very excited to see what all I can come up with. stay tuned :D
Bro, here’s some validation for you! 🥲 Better late than never.
But seriously loved the piece. And I think everyone likes being praised. Not being obsessed about validation might be healthy…I don’t know. But I think wanting validation also means that we want our words to reach people and make them smile, think or reflect, which also pushes us to be better writers, isn’t it?
thank you Namrata! :)
and you’re correct, not obsessing but wanting it because when your work reaches more people, your validation should also increase, considering you’re improving your work. so yeah, these are somewhat interconnected
"But I don’t understand that if you’re putting something out into the open and then you say you do not need validation on it. What does that even mean? What kind of person does that? You made it public. You made it findable. If whether someone reads it or not was truly never a question for you, you surely had a journal for that. You didn’t need the internet."
I want you to think about your own journey on Substack, and consider the fact that putting out your writing in the world will help you discover the tribe of people who think, feel and see the world like you. You have discovered a community of writers who collaborate, meetup in person and have honest conversations. That is more than what any numbers / validation can provide. Instead of using the internet as way to build community, we as creators get caught up with validation in terms of quantity vs quality. A heartfelt message / comment can make your day, in ways no amount of hearts on Substack can.
I am not saying this merely philosophically. In the past, I built a global top 2% podcast with thousands of listeners. Even on this Substack, one of my posts went globally viral, and has been read close to half a million times. But the most life changing aspect of writing / creating has been how it has shaped me as a person and transformed my life outside of the content bubble. Once I understood and internalised that, validation became what you referred to - Tadka in the dal. Great in small quantities, terrible if all your dal was tadka.
Henrik Karlsson, a writer who has the ability to always find the right words to things we all live and feel wrote a piece titled "A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox". I would highly encourage you to read it.
I get what you’re trying to say Utsav and to me a comment and like are both forms of validation. And I agree that validation is certainly not the only thing to look forward to, the whole process of creating and then seeing your tribe grow certainly is a satisfactory thing, but to me even that is a validation. Not the only thing to look forward to but I am not at a point right now where I can say that I am only writing for myself. Maybe some day I’ll be able to derive all the satisfaction from the process of creating alone.
and I’ll surely check out his essay, I have seen his work pop up in my feed but hadn’t explored before. will do now. thank you for the recommendation and reading my essay. your inputs are always helpful :)
10/10 read. No notes!!!
thank you Apoorva. validation from your side hits different :’)
5 car F1 scale...
Read that again.
5 Cr F1😅
this one went out of syllabus xP
Yes. But for a moment there I was my God, where this boy has reached.
hahahaha. arre if I was that rich, it would be so difficult to add so many middle class stories no xP
Correct, but you can reach there. Tab mujhe yaad karna aur kuch iss aur bhi phenk dena 🤣
BTW, the post is great too, but I got stuck on the 5 crores.
hahahahaha. yes ma'am.
thank you so much for reading :)
how validation starved are you?
To tell you the truth, I am not starved. Of course I love validation too. But, I am ok, if I don’t receive it. I have lived long enough. Or it maybe my imposter syndrome telling me not to expect much. It’s complicated I guess. 😅
A validation addict recognises another -- but this piece genuinely deserved the engagement. I love the humour, sarcasm and honesty that pours through it and also how relatable it is. Thanks for writing, Abhishek! (Now please go read my writing and validate my work too)
thank you Keya for reading this and for the kind words :)
tha last line felt like an order xP
Ask and you shall receive! 😅
hahahaha. yes!
Currently I've been thinking a lot about my never ending need for validation and it's refreshing to see someone acknowledge and accept their need for it too. I think we've been brought up chasing parental approval, teachers ka approval and we've equated it with acceptance somehow. Now we find ourselves craving this acceptance on a grander scale via social media or our lil' blogs here.
that is so true. small behaviour in the past does shape our current behaviour. but if we are able to not let it control our actions, that is fine :D
I love the honesty of your piece. I feel writing is inherently meant to make people feel something. It is a communication unlike journaling. So without validation/criticism, the circle is incomplete. It absolutely guts me when my work is invalidated. I want the numbers, the likes, the adulation. If that makes me a less intellectual being, well so be it.
thank you so much for saying this! I feel seen. thank you :)
मानव मनोविज्ञान को प्रतिबिंबित करती उत्कृष्ट रचना बधाई 👌
मेरे लेख को पढ़ने एवं उसकी सराहना करने के लिए बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद आपका अर्चना जी
Abhishek, you were among the first writers I came across on this platform. And I was enthralled by your writing. I was immediately intrigued. I remember binging your essays. In many ways, I felt like you were writing about things that I should have written about. I found myself in between your words.
Coming to the validation part, I understand that all too well. A few months ago, I wrote an essay I poured my heart into. Not many people related to it. It didn't garner enough eyeballs for me to measure against the impossible standard I had set for myself. So I understand where you're coming from.
I read a few of your essays and now I can can see why you felt that you should’ve written those pieces. I see that now. I really like how common and relatable topics you pick and they way you write them! thank you for writing those, and feels so good to see you back to writing.
I know that feeling of not getting enough attention on an essay you enjoyed so much writing about. If this helps in any way — I’ve seen an essay or two being alive after months of getting published. so maybe it will be picked after some time.
thank you for reading and being so kind with your words :)
Hahaa, thank you for your wise words!
It connected to a part of me, Abhishek. A part of me though, still tries to keep working for honing my craft and not be affected by likes and numbers. But there are some personal reasons for that, because they do more harm to me than good when I get affected by those likes.
that’s perfectly fine. everyone finds that balance somewhere. for me validations works more as a booster than a demotivating force. but for you it could be completely different.
thank you for reading this :)
'I soak up validation faster than the Huggies and Pampers of the world. I’m always dry and ready for more validation.' Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel so validated after reading the piece. Loved ittt
hahahahaha. that came from personal experience including the parental duties.
glad it made you feel seen and validated. thank you for reading :)
It was a refreshingly truthful piece to read. Opposite of hypocritical.
thank you Jeevanjyoti. I tried :)
Have you somehow switched off re-stacking? I am trying to re-stack a particular paragraph I really liked, and it is showing some error, repeatedly.
why would I do that? I just wrote about validation bhai.
no idea why would that be? I also sometimes face the same though. sometimes, highlight a little extra/less works. I don't know how, but it does
I live among mostly crazy people, so my default mode is never to underestimate the craziness people are capable of! Anyway, your trick worked... highlighting a shorter fragment enabled the re-stack. Thanks!
Substack works in mysterious ways at times. so happy it worked.
one more validation for me xP
I kinda always had the same thought about noone agrees that they do it for validation. I do most of things in life for validation. Numbers do make me happy. I am glad you wrote this. Makes me feel like I am not the only one.❤️
ah! we are certainly not alone. so don't worry :D
thank you for reading :)
This piece was like taking an Xray !!!! So true, so real, so refreshing and no fake cool talk. Btw, it is better to dig the grave sometime as it might be surprising too
thank you for reading this Sudha :)
I am not the 'surprise me' person, so I let the graves untouched, but I guess there are interesting stories with you where you did ask the question?
This piece hits all the right thoughts. I have spent years worrying about what people think of me and somewhere along the way, validation got tangled up in all of it. Now I just don’t think we are meant to become untouched by what others think; only to not be ruled by it.
You really have a way of making unnoticed thoughts feel impossible to ignore. Loved readingg this.
And special mention to all your little dad references and the occasional dad jokes you sneak into your musings. Your writing has entered a very specific new dad era and I absolutely enjoy reading about it.
Now I just don’t think we are meant to become untouched by what others think; only to not be ruled by it. --> this is the perfect gist. you got it. thank you for that!
thank you for being this kind with words always. always makes me feel good :)
hahahahahaha those jokes come from a place of experience and even I am very excited to see what all I can come up with. stay tuned :D
Bhai, padh bhi liya, pasand bhi aaya aur comment bhi kar raha hoon. Validated on all fronts 😆
Ham sabhi ke mann ki baat aise kaise padh lete ho bhai?
hahahahaha. bahut dayalu ho aap bhai :D
arre main bs apne mann ki likh rha hun, itne logon se relate ho pata h wo to khushkismati h :D